GREEN

Ok this is really silly but it's driving me up the wall (and no it wasn't a long trip). Everywhere I look, I see Green. Just now I looked outside and saw rows and rows and rows of GREEN corn...and when the rows of green corn end, there is a line of nice big GREEN trees. I just finished mowing the lawn which is covered in luscious GREEN grass. And when I'm done writing this incredibly stupid blog post about GREEN, I'm going to go put on my bathing suit (guess what color it is? GREEN! Crazy eh?) and sunbath on my GREEN lawn. Thank God the sky isn't Green.

Burke Camp

Well, back from Camp and I gotta tell ya, I'm pretty bitter sweet about it. Although I'm excited to be able to take longer showers and to sleep in my bed and go out and share what I've learned in the past week with the world, I miss it. I miss being with other Christians and have deep discusions as well as inside jokes.
It has been amazing. Everything about this Camp Meeting has been amazing. After 16 year of Camp, this year has been the best. This year has really changed me. And I pray that my spirit doesn't go away.

One of those days..weeks...months...lives.

Have you ever had one of those days...or weeks...or months where nothing is completely clear and your not 100% sure about anything? Story of my life over the past few weeks. I can't remember the last time I was perfectly sure about something. There's always this awful feeling in my gut telling me to run away. Run away from everything. But considering I have absolutely nothing else to do but what I'm doing right now. I don't run. Because no matter which direction I run in, there will always be someone at the end of the road with their hand on their hips, waiting to tell me what I've done wrong and how to fix it. And the solution is always to go back. Take responsibilty for whatever I ran away from. And the worst part about it is that, even if my life depended on it, I wouldn't be able to look that person in the eye and say "You know what? It's my life!" But then again, maybe that's a good thing. What if it turns out that running from your problems really isn't the solution. What if all of those people waiting at the end of each little road, holding me accountable, are right. Maybe having backbone doesn't mean telling people off when they try to give me advice. Maybe it means standing up to my problems and fixing them, and getting through rough patches without a loophole.

Ah, the sweet smell of Procrastination in the middle of the night...

Well, surprise surprise! I have 5 1 page journal entries to write for tomorrow. I know, I know, I should have done these entries a while ago but if you know me, you know how much of a chronic procrastinator I am but I don't think at this point I'll be able to stop! I've given up on trying not to wait until the last minute! Even when I start projects early I still can't get them finished on time, and if I do get it in on time, it's only because I stayed up till' midnight or spent my lunch finishing it! Egad!!! I am majorly pathetic!!! Anyway, this blog is the perfect example of my procrastination habit. I should be flipping through newspapers looking for articles for my journal entries but nope. I'm writing this blog entry instead. I think I've lost my mind and am now a crazy mess!PRAY FOR ME!!!!!

La Vie en Rose

I'm listening to French music from the 1930's and 40's. I love it. There's something so calming and passionate about it. It's so romantic and Nostalgic yet very sad too. It is so soothing and boisterous at the same time. It makes me wish I could walk around with a soundtrack of Edith Piaf chansons in the background. It's just such great contrast. It could go with anything. And the best part is that you don't even have to know the lyrics. All I have to do is hum along with it and I feel happy. It makes my life feel like an old musical. I just want to go to Provence and put some fancy perfume on and drink lots of wine and eat baguettes. :)

Generals Die in Bed

So (I'm starting to notice that I start every post with this word) I just finished reading the book that was assigned to my English class called Generals Die in Bed. I was only supposed to read to chapter four but I completely fell in love with the book and the characters (which I found out was a bad thing to get attached to) that I flipped through page after page after page until I found myself in the middle of chapter eleven. The book is a memoir of a man named Charles Yale Harrison and his experiences during World War One (wow this is starting to sound like a literary response! Ah!). Anyways, you can imagine how life was in the trenches with all the rats and lice and mud and such...oh did I forget gunfire? Yes there was quite a bit of gunfire too. I think it's one of the saddest books I'd ever read.
There has never been a book that has made me cry like that before. Usually when I see something sad, I have to let it sink in before I start crying...it usually takes me hours to ponder the sad event that I have just witnessed before the emotion sets in. For instance, when something scares me, I hardly ever scream, or when I see a sad movie, I rarely cry during the movie, but rather in bed that same night when all is quiet.
So this book is horribly sad without much of the emotion being showed by the characters. I hope that was said well, I wrote it and I don't even quite get it! Anyway, I guess that's all part of war. To create men who kill for money and vengeance and are thought not to dwell on fallen comrade, never mind the enemy(or commonly referred to in the book as Hienies). But for me, death is devastating (as it should be...right?) So got so attached to these characters and watching them die (well, "reading" them die) was compley and utter agony! Yet, he moved on so quickly that I found myself getting over it too. Because emotion doesn't sink in right away for me, I was sitting there reading like it was nothing. "Oh! look at that. His best army friend just got his legs blown off and is now crying out to him for help. What a shame. Lets just keep on running..."
Now I'm this guy wasn't a monster and he really does seem like he gives a crap about his poor legless friend. And that makes it even sadder. By the end of this book I was crying like you wouldn't believe it, and it's all because of this terrible thing that makes me sad all the time and yet I'm so fascinated by it that I could read about it all day and never get bored. I cried because i couldn't believe I was enjoying this novel about this terrible thing. This ragging, firing, shrieking ball of misery that turns men into killing machines and women into widows, countries poor and villages torn to pieces. This thing practically wiped out a generation. The lost generation. The generation lost to a monster that makes up our society, our world, or economy. Practically suicide and yet we can't live without it. WAR.

tie-die

So I was sitting at my frien Meagans counter and we were making tie-die shirts when I suddenly thought to myself...where do I stand. Where do I stand in the world around me? How significant am I to the people around me? What do people think when they see me on the street or in a car? What do people even think of my blog? It's so frustrating not to know. But I guess that's what makes us hummble. If we knew what great things people thought about us...we'd all have suber huge heads! And if we knew all the negative things that people thought about us, we'd be pretty bummed. I mean, I really want to know where I stand in school and stuff like that. What if I stand at the bottom of the most bottomest people in the school? Do I really want to know where I stand? Good question. hmmmm....maybe I should ponder it before I decide to ask God to tell me where I stand.